


Cheat

by foxdeer



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Cancer, Cheating, Consequences of Mistakes, Drama, Family Fluff, Guilt, House Party, Infidelity, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Regret, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-01-03 11:43:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21178856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxdeer/pseuds/foxdeer
Summary: When Legolas decides to attend a house party to let loose after months of going through a rough time, he makes a reckless decision that could cost him everything that makes him happy.





	1. Mistake.

Number ten. The amount of alcoholic drinks Legolas had consumed within less than a few hours. Beer, mixers, shots of tequila… he felt like he might have had some wine at some point, though he couldn’t recall where. As he sat on the bathroom floor, the room was spinning. He felt reckless tonight. No – he _ had already been_ reckless tonight. Hadn’t he taken those pills from that stranger without even a second thought? He didn’t even know what those drugs had been, but equally he didn’t really care. Things had been tough lately. He deserved to let off some steam.

A tirade of banging on the bathroom door pulled him to his unsteady feet. Reluctantly, he opened it, and he was roughly barged past by a burly, tall, athletic guy. Legolas faltered, almost falling over.

“Get out of here, you fucking idiot,” the guy snapped, grasping Legolas by the upper arm and forcibly shoving him out of the bathroom. 

The movement was too forceful and Legolas overbalanced, falling easily onto his hands and knees at the top of a stranger’s landing. He had grazed his hands on the carpet, but he couldn’t feel anything. He had only come to this house party because he vaguely knew the boy throwing it – a junior named Meludir who he sat near to in his Biology class. Meludir was well known for throwing crazy parties on campus - he always bragged about them loudly in class. This one was no exception to his reputation. There were so many people crowded into the house, it was verging on uncomfortable. 

“What a jerk - here,” some girl with long ginger hair offered her hand which Legolas gratefully took, “let me help you.”

“Tauriel!” Another girl screeched as she rushed up the stairs towards them. “Finally! You won’t believe it but that girl-“

“Sorry,” the ginger girl – Tauriel – mumbled to him, walking away to follow her friend. “I’ve got to sort this.”

What she had to sort out Legolas didn’t know or care, however he picked up the drink she had left on the bannister and downed it in one. He wanted to get truly wrecked tonight. Perhaps that was a bad idea, but then again, nothing else seemed to be working out in his life right now and he was determined to forget something. A couple in front of him were kissing on the stairs. Quietly he snuck behind them, lifting the girls drink from the step unnoticed and downing that on his way down. What was he at now? Twelve? Thirteen? 

“Hey! Legolas!”

Legolas stopped at the bottom of the stairs and peered around to see who was calling his name. His vision was slightly blurry from the alcohol, but he thought he saw a silver head bobbing its way towards him, pushing through throngs of people before finally becoming visible when he reached the light of the hallway.

“Oh, hey Rumil,” Legolas replied, trying his hardest to stop his words from slurring. “Didn’t think you knew Meludir.”

“I know his housemate,” Rumil told him, eyeing him carefully for a moment. “Does Haldir know you’re here?”

A tightness closed around Legolas’s chest that had nothing to do with the pills or alcohol. Rumil continued to scrutinise him, every inch of Legolas was being inspected by his dark blue eyes. He tried to stand as still as he could, and channel as many thoughts of sobriety that he could muster. If he believed he was sober, perhaps Rumil would believe the same. 

“I… probably,” Legolas shrugged. 

At this time the burly athlete had decided to return from the bathroom to the party, and he roughly pushed Legolas out of the way again, muttering under his breath about ‘fucking drunk idiots.’ As he walked off, Rumil scowled in his direction. When he looked back to Legolas, however, his face softened. 

“I think I should call Haldir.”

“No! Please, Rumil,” Legolas lurched forward trying to pry the smartphone from Rumil’s hand. In doing so he had overbalanced again, treading awkwardly on his toes and knocking the cup in his other hand so that his drink sloshed all over the front of Rumil’s white t-shirt. “Don’t - I’m having fun.”

“For fucks sake, Legolas,” Rumil snapped, pushing away. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! How much have you had to drink?! Your eyes are huge! Have you taken something?”

“I’m fine,” Legolas reassured him, feeling guilty at the sight of the beer stain on Rumil’s shirt. “I’m sorry, I’ll get you a new one.”

“You’ve taken something – I can see it in your eyes. You’re not fine, Legolas,” Rumil sighed, trying to ring out some of the liquid in his sodden t-shirt back into the cup. “I know stuff has been hard for you lately, but I really think you should call Haldir and let him take you home. You’re not ok.” 

A flare of emotions boiled up in Legolas from nowhere. He felt ashamed that he was being told off; annoyed and restricted by the fact that others thought he needed to be escorted home like a toddler; upset that what Rumil had said was partially true. On one hand, he craved the idea of Haldir coming to pick him up, to take him home and look after him. On the other was the reality that Haldir would berate him for getting into such a state, lecture him on how it was embarrassing to be associated with Legolas when he was like this, and eventually get bored of trying to help him out and leave Legolas to his own devices. In a controlled rage, Legolas lifted the cup from Rumil’s hand, drank the beer he had wrung from his shirt and crushed the plastic cup against his friend’s chest.

“Fuck off, Rumil.”

Before his boyfriend’s little brother could retaliate, Legolas pushed his way through the party to the kitchen, pouring himself half a cup of vodka and, pinching his nose, he swallowed the vile liquid in two large gulps. The burn of the alcohol in his throat was welcome - hopefully it could burn away some of his feelings.

“Dude! Straight vodka? That’s hard, man!” A guy to his right, dressed in an oversized Hawaiian shirt and tight blue jeans grinned at him. He lowered his voice, leaning closer to Legolas. “If you want something to give you a better buzz, I have some ecstasy? Two pills for $20?”

Legolas sighed, thinking of the money in his jeans pocket. “Two for $10? This party is getting out of hand. I imagine we’re gonna get busted soon, and you don’t want the cops to catch you dealing.”

The guy rolled his eyes. “Fine. $10.”

Smirking, Legolas pulled the crumpled ten dollar note – his cab fare home - from his pocket and shoved it into the dealer’s hand. Happy with his purchase, he picked up a can of beer from a box on the counter, cracked it open and took both pills in one swig, walking away into the throng of the party.

For some time he watched a few guys play beer pong. He listened to stories told by others about school or girls or other parties they had been to of Meludir’s. He watched people leave the main lounge on occasion, sneaking off in pairs to quieter rooms in the house for some privacy. He hadn’t spotted Rumil again. He didn’t care though – he felt great – possibly the best he had felt in a long while. With the music, and the people, and the games, and all of the _love_ in the room, Legolas felt completely happy for the first time in months. Who would have thought that this would have all come from attending one of Meludir’s crazy house parties? Why had he originally dreaded the thought of coming here?

Legolas was halfway through playing a game of beer pong with a very attractive blonde girl when the nausea crept in. He excused himself rather rapidly, handing his winning game over to another girl, and climbing the stairs hurriedly to the bathroom. However on his way in, he didn’t even stop to look at the person he had pushed past in his goal to reach the toilet. Determined to return to the beer pong match as soon as possible, Legolas shoved two fingers as far down his throat as he would allow, quickly spilling the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl.

“Are you ok?” 

Legolas ignored the voice until he flushed the toilet, and turned around to find a very handsome and recognisable person standing in the doorway. He had long dark hair, pale skin and deep brown eyes. He was dressed completely in black – black jeans, black t-shirt, black sneakers… so his skin seemed to be glowing in contrast. Somehow Legolas felt like they’d met before.

“It’s Legolas, isn’t it?” He said, his voice gentle, with a smirk on his face. “I’m Elladan – I’m in your Ethics class?” 

Elladan. Of course – one of the twins! The other’s name he couldn’t quite place, but he could recall that they were similar in sound. Legolas grinned, nodding slightly. 

“Yeah I know you,” he smiled politely. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here,” Elladan laughed. “I’m guessing Mel invited you, or you would have known that so…?”

Legolas nodded, staring unabashed at the boy in the doorway. Elladan was nice. He had lovely smooth skin. His hair was so dark in comparison to Legolas’ which was almost white in colour. He had a nice smile. Legolas wondered what it would be like to hear him laugh properly… or to see him blush… he wondered if he his smooth pale skin was everywhere on his body, not just on his handsome face…

“Mel invited me last minute,” Legolas told him, his mind still wandering about Elladan. His drunken mouth was bold, however. “I’ve always thought you were cute in Ethics class. You always had really insightful things to say. I had a huge crush on you in first year.”

With delight, Legolas watched as Elladan’s pale skin turned a rosy shade of pink on his cheeks. He coughed slightly, rubbing the back of his jet black head with an awkward hand. 

“Thanks Legolas,” Elladan mumbled, his eyes locked on the very interesting drink in his hand. Legolas thought he was adorable – innocent and sweet. Would he corrupt him if he took things any further? It was undeniable to Legolas that he _certainly_ wanted to take things further. He’d forgotten all about the stupid beer pong game, his fight with Rumil, even the fact he had recently felt overcome with nausea. Elladan seemed to soothe those feelings, so that all he could think about was how incredibly _happy_ he would be if there was something to happen between them.

With his heart pumping loudly in his ears, the courage of the alcohol, and buoyed by the ecstasy, Legolas strode across the bathroom. Pressing his body close to Elladan’s, he locked his eyes with the deep brown of his prey, gently coerced the drink from Elladan’s hand and drank it. The whole time he stared at Elladan, silently thrilled that he could not look away from Legolas, and the liquid now overflowing down his chin. Throwing the cup away, Legolas wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, leant in to Elladan and pressed a passionate kiss to his lips.

It didn’t take long for Elladan’s instincts to kick in. Soon, Legolas not only felt a response in his kiss, but felt as two arms snaked around him – one hand tangling in his blond hair, the other lightly squeezing his ass. Legolas grinned into the kiss. Was this the best kiss he had ever had? Or was that the drink talking? Slowly Legolas snaked his hand down from Elladan’s shoulder, smoothly unbuttoning his jeans and toying with the zipper. Elladan gasped, and pulled away, ending Legolas’ enjoyment.

“Where’s your room?” Legolas asked him, hoping that Elladan would take the hint. 

“Um, just down the hall. The – um – the blue door,” he stammered, his cheeks still flushed an endearing pink.

Without another word, Legolas grabbed Elladan’s hand, leading him to his own bedroom. He went to turn the door handle but found it didn’t budge.

“Wait, I locked it so people couldn’t break in and fuck on my sheets,” Elladan mumbled, delving into his jeans pocket to find the key to his room. Legolas enjoyed watching him. He also enjoyed the way he said the word ‘fuck.’

He was just about to insert the key into the hole when Legolas leant close and whispered. “Can we fuck on your sheets?” 

Elladan fumbled with the key, his hands evidently clammy from lust. Legolas smirked with pleasure. He didn’t think he’d ever been able to get someone into bed with a searing kiss and a few choice profanities. Elladan was still a lovely shade of pink, and Legolas could see an obvious bulge in the front of his tight black jeans. Eventually the door was opened, and Legolas rushed inside. They didn’t even bother to turn the light on – to be frank, Legolas hardly gave Elladan the time. 

As soon as the door was closed, he pounced. Elladan was knocked back against the wall as Legolas pressed close against him, making sure to grind their lower bodies together in an almost accidentally-on-purpose attempt to ramp up the tension. By the time Legolas had undone Elladan’s zipper and snuck his hand inside his boxers, his dark-haired lover was moaning in delight. Legolas pulled away from their kiss, and even though Elladan tried to gain some form of reconnection, the blonde shook his head. 

“I want to watch you,” Legolas told him, casually beginning to stroke his lover. “I want to see you cum.”

At first Legolas thought that Elladan had given in. He was whimpering pleasantly, occasionally begging with his eyes for Legolas to maybe apply more pressure or speed up the pace, but he never said it aloud, and this thrilled Legolas even more. However, just before Legolas was certain he would climax, Elladan forcibly grabbed Legolas’s wrist and removed it from his boxers. His eyes almost completely black in the darkened room, looked predatory, and Legolas smirked despite himself in a silent challenge.

“You can’t finish me yet,” Elladan muttered lowly, his breathing heavy as he walked Legolas backwards towards his bed. “I promised we would fuck on my sheets.”

Legolas laughed and cocked an eyebrow. “Oh really? I didn’t hear you say that earlier…”

“I was preoccupied with the key,” he shot back, lifting Legolas’s shirt over his head before pushing him back onto the mattress. 

The change in power was refreshing, and Legolas lounged back into the sheets, revelling in his drunken state as Elladan began to trail his tongue over his chest and up to his neck as he climbed on top of him. Again, Legolas pulled him in for another passionate kiss, enjoying the sheet of dark hair that fell over them like a curtain. Evidently frustrated at the slow pace, Elladan ground their bodies together for some friction, and admittedly it was starting to drive Legolas a little mad too. He was also uncomfortably hard. 

They broke apart for two seconds so that Legolas could remove Elladan’s shirt swiftly. When their kiss continued, Legolas thought to himself with some form of satisfaction that he’d known that Elladan’s skin would feel just as smooth and look just as pale as his beautiful face. Meanwhile, Legolas could feel Elladan’s hand struggling to undo his jeans, his hands shaky though Legolas couldn’t tell from what. Nerves? Lust? Excitement? Perhaps he was feeling just as full of adrenaline as Legolas was. Perhaps the alcohol was helping him too – a little liquid courage…

Their dark room was momentarily interrupted by the yellow light from the hallway, as the door opened to Elladan’s room. They broke apart – Legolas ready to tell whoever it was to fuck off to some other room, when his heart fell into his stomach in horror. In the doorway stood Haldir. For a second, Legolas was sure he was hallucinating, but Elladan had already turned to look at who was interrupting their fun. 

Haldir stood resolute. The poor lighting meant that Legolas couldn’t completely see his face, but if he knew Haldir as well as he did, he would show no emotion or expression when he was particularly hurt. He pulled his leather jacket a little tighter around his broad shoulders, putting something – car keys, perhaps? – into his pocket. Legolas waited for his reaction. Waited for him to do something. 

“Really, Legolas?” Haldir finally said, incredulous at the scene before him but yet his voice was remarkably level in tone. “Fuck. Get dressed. Meet me in the car.”

He closed the door with a slam, leaving the two of them in the darkness. Legolas felt sick. Elladan had already moved off him and was hurriedly putting his own clothes on. Legolas reached for his shirt that had been discarded on the floor.

“Who was that?” Elladan asked quietly. His voice sounded hurt. 

“My boyfriend,” Legolas mumbled reluctantly, his insides burning with raging fire of guilt. He pulled his shirt over his head. Where was his jacket again? Had he been wearing it when they came to Elladan’s room?

“You have a boyfriend but yet you -?” 

Legolas turned to look at Elladan. He was perched on the end of his bed, hunched over slightly and staring at his hands. 

“I’m sorry,” Legolas told him.

Elladan shrugged, his voice cold. “I don’t think you are.”

Although Legolas did feel slightly bad, he was also affronted at Elladan’s reaction. The stupid guy hardly knew him. It would have been a one night stand! He was acting as though Legolas was the love of his life who had betrayed him! Talk about melodramatic. How dare he sit there, sulking on the end of his bed, annoyed that he didn’t get his dick sucked?! If only that was the only problem Legolas faced! What he would give to trade places with Elladan – so that all he cared about was who he slept with at pointless meaningless house parties!

“Whatever, Elladan.”

Angrily, Legolas exited the room, trying to leave the terrible weight of guilt over upsetting Elladan back in the room with him. He hurried to Meludir’s room, grabbing his jacket from amongst the pile. He felt the weight of his phone in the pocket. He pulled it out to take a quick look. No doubt Haldir would soon be messaging to tell him to hurry up, as though he wouldn’t be dragging his heels if the roles were reversed. Would the roles ever be reversed? Would Haldir ever cheat on him?

Six messages. Eight missed calls.

**[From: Haldir – 17:58]** _Hey – not sure whether you’ve been held up in class or whatever. My parents have planned a nice surprise for us tomorrow – they won’t tell me what it is but Mum’s excited. I’ve cooked dinner. Keep me updated and I’ll warm it up so it’s ready when you’re home. Love you._

**[From: Haldir – 20:06]** _ Las, are you ok? It’s ok if you want some alone time, but just let me know you’re ok. _

**[From: Haldir – 21:34]** _ Legolas? Please pick up._

**[From: Rumil – 22:20]** _ I’m going to text Haldir. I’m worried about you. He’s worried about you too. Can you message him, please? R x_

**[From: Haldir – 23:34]** _ I’ve spoken with Rumil. Stay at the party – I will come and get you. Please - don’t walk home by yourself._

**[From: Haldir – 00:19]** _Where are you? I’m at the party – did you leave? Please pick up – I’m worried about you. _

Sighing, Legolas shoved the phone back into his pocket. Feeling like he was living an out of body experience and headed to his doom, he reluctantly strolled down the stairs and through the lounge, out of the front door and into the street. Everyone looked so happy. They were smiling and laughing and enjoying the party. He wanted to be doing that. He wanted to be a part of their happiness, but all that awaited him was misery and guilt, waiting in his boyfriend’s black Audi.

Without a word, Legolas hopped into the car. Haldir switched on the ignition. For a while they drove in silence, the uncomfortable atmosphere between them was heavy and tense. Thick, like snow after a blizzard. Legolas wanted to say something, but he didn’t quite know what. He was actively trying to stop himself from vomiting for the second time that evening – whether from the soul-consuming guilt or the alcohol and drugs. Haldir was driving erratically, and it wasn’t helping.

When they finally drove into their apartment building, Haldir cut the ignition and rested his head momentarily on the steering wheel. He looked defeated under the unnatural fluorescent lights of the apartment building car park. With a sigh, he exited the car. Not wanting to cause any additional arguments, and quietly wondering when it would all begin, Legolas clambered out unsteadily. The fluorescent lights were disarming. They were so unnaturally bright that they made him squint. 

Haldir was already halfway to the elevator by the time Legolas started to walk. He called for the lift, and it arrived just as Legolas reached him. Inside the tension still existed, and for a brief moment Legolas met his eyes – dark blue, like his brother’s.

“What the fuck have you taken? Your pupils are huge,” Haldir scoffed, disgust written all over his face.

Legolas thought it best not to lie. “Ecstasy,” he answered weakly.

Haldir said nothing, just sighed. They exited the lift with Legolas trailing behind, and headed to their apartment. It was nothing massive, but at the very least it was theirs. They’d moved in together about eight months ago, just before things started to get tough for Legolas. In all honesty, Legolas was not sure whether the increase in their fighting was from moving in together or if it was occurring because of situations beyond their control. The apartment, however, was small and homely: one bedroom, one bathroom, an en-suite and an open plan living, kitchen and dining room. Legolas had fallen in love with it. It’s views of the university town of Lorien were unrivalled, and he liked to feel tall as though they were sat above the treetops.

Haldir took off his jacket and slung his car keys into a bowl on the kitchen counter. Beside the bowl, Legolas noticed, was the dinner that Haldir had prepared for him ready to go into the oven. Legolas stood meekly by the doorway like a child waiting to be told off. However, Haldir didn’t tell him off. He walked to their bedroom, and moments later returned to the living room with blankets and a pillow which he threw onto the sofa. 

“I can be on the sofa –“ Legolas started, feeling the overwhelming need to repair things, to offer some form of olive branch.

“No,” Haldir snapped, pulling off his jeans so that he was in his boxers and t-shirt. He tucked himself under the blankets, resting his head on the pillow. “My parents are expecting us to be ready at midday tomorrow. I suggest you sober up.”

With a flick of the side table lamp, Haldir had plunged them into darkness. Silently, Legolas shuffled to their bedroom and closed the door behind him. Immediately overcome with an unavoidable wave of shame, he went into their en-suite and hopped into the shower hoping to cleanse himself of his sins. No amount of scolding water could burn away his shame. What had made him think this was ok? Now he had potentially ruined everything with Haldir, and he had no conceivable way in his mind that he would ever be able to repair it. In one night he had managed to destroy the two years of trust their relationship had built. How could he convince Haldir to trust him again? 

When he finally clambered into bed it was 2am. He couldn’t even bring himself to think of the day ahead with Haldir’s family. He loved Haldir’s parents and his brothers. Tonight he had been rude to Rumil and betrayed his brother. What other disastrous things could he do to break the trust of Haldir’s parents, who felt like family of his own? Legolas turned over, a few tears escaped his eyes, his heart full of regret and the aching wish that he could go back in time and change it all. The bed felt too large with only him in it. He wanted Haldir there. He wanted to cuddle his boyfriend. Yet he had no right to ask for that now.

He lay awake for hours. The fact he could not hear the gentle snores of Haldir confirmed he was not the only one awake.


	2. Repercussions

When Haldir managed to eventually get to sleep, he was rudely awoken by the sun shining though the high glass windows of their apartment. For a while he lay exhausted, unable to find the strength to get up and start the day. A part of him kept reliving the scene: his long-term boyfriend, who he had planned on asking to marry him once things got a little easier for him, was wrapped in the arms of someone else and was obviously _enjoying_ it. He thought of the ring he had bought, hidden away in his desk at work, waiting for the moment that they could commit to each other and yet – Legolas was tangled in the bed sheets of some random partygoer who he had only just met.

Haldir’s blood momentarily ran cold. The thoughts were continuously circling in his head like piranhas around a lump of fresh meat. What if it wasn’t a random person? What if every time Legolas had gone out until the early hours of the morning, he was in the bed of somebody else? He couldn’t prove that this hadn’t happened before, solely that this was the first time he had caught Legolas in the act. 

When was the last time they had slept together? Perhaps a few months after they had moved into the apartment? Ever since then, there had been distance. At first Haldir had assumed it was because of everything Legolas was going through, but now new insidious thoughts sprouted like poisonous weeds in his mind, convincing him that he had been foolish to believe that nothing was going on. Legolas was obviously finding satisfaction elsewhere – he no longer required it of Haldir.

By the time Haldir dragged his weary spirit from his makeshift bed to the shower, he was struck with a new worry. His parents told him they had a surprise for him and that they would be stopping by today. What if he and Legolas couldn’t act normal? He didn’t know if he could act the same around Legolas. He felt completely and utterly betrayed. It would have been bad enough to find him sat in the lap of somebody else, but in their bedroom, half-naked on their bed with the full intention of doing more? No. He was relieved that the sound of the shower stopped anyone from hearing him cry.

Thankfully Haldir could hear Legolas in the shower in the en-suite when he snuck in to find some clothes. He settled on some blue denim jeans and a short sleeved striped top, tying his silver hair back into a messy bun. In the hope of not bumping into Legolas, Haldir rushed to get ready. He didn’t even feel comfortable in the same room anymore. How were they ever going to convince his family that nothing untoward had occurred?

He was halfway through making breakfast when he heard Legolas enter the room.

“Hal?” came the tentative voice of his boyfriend. “I’m sorry about last night.”

For a second, Haldir paused, trying to get some grip on his emotions. He tried his best to keep his expression blank, continuing to prepare his breakfast, not looking up from his task at the pleading expression of his boyfriend.

“Could you answer a question for me – being completely honest with me and yourself?” Haldir eventually asked, turning on the coffee machine. He shot a quick glance at Legolas, who nodded. “Would you have gone all the way if I hadn’t interrupted?”

There was a long pause before Legolas answered in a small voice. “Probably.”

Haldir sighed heavily, a deep frown set into his brow. His chest burned painfully. “Did you not think about me once during the whole thing? Did it not once cross your mind that you had a boyfriend at home?”

Legolas stayed silent so long it was uncomfortable. In his head, Haldir was screaming at him to say anything – to confirm that yes, he had thought he should stop because he loved his boyfriend and it felt so incredibly wrong, but the alcohol and the goddamn ecstasy he had taken had clouded his ability to protest – but no. No response came from Legolas.

“You don’t even have to say anything, because your silence gives me the answer.”

The silence continued throughout breakfast. The only sounds were the scraping of cutlery on crockery, and the occasional mug being picked up and placed back down. They sat opposite each other, across a table probably less than a metre wide, but Haldir felt as though the distance was a gulf. He scrolled aimlessly through apps on his phone – any excuse not to have to look at the bloodshot eyes of his boyfriend. He couldn’t even tell if that was resultant from a night of remorseful crying or the drugs he had taken the night before.

After breakfast Haldir cleared away the blankets and pillow from the sofa, tucking them in one of the spare cupboards in their bedroom. He chucked the pillow back on their bed, and in doing so knocked over a photo on the side table. His side. Carefully he placed the photo frame back in its original position. A photo of them at their friends’ wedding – Aragorn and Arwen. They were both dressed smartly in suits of complementary colours – Haldir in navy and Legolas in a soft grey. They looked happy, smiling at each other as though one of them had made a hilarious joke. Haldir remembered that wedding vividly. It was the exact night he had come to the conclusion that he wanted to marry Legolas. His eyes began to prick uncomfortably.

His sniff to hold back the tidal wave of tears must have piqued Legolas’s interest, as he could sense the presence of someone behind him without having to look.

“Please, Haldir,” Legolas begged softly in the doorway to their bedroom. “Please, I’m so sorry.”

Thankfully his phone buzzed in his pocket, enough to distract him from the pleading of Legolas. Haldir’s heart lurched in his chest. His parents and brothers were less than ten minutes away. For some reason the imminent arrival of his family managed to override his other emotions regarding Legolas and their relationship. 

“I can’t forgive you, Legolas – not at the moment, anyway,” Haldir mumbled, placing his phone in his back pocket and turning to face him. “We need to do our best to act like everything’s fine, at least whilst my parents are here.”

“But it’s not fine,” Legolas pouted, looking to his feet, his blonde hair falling in his face. 

“No, it’s not.”

“Then how can we pretend?” 

“Just grin and bear it, will you?” snapped Haldir, frustratedly, worried that Legolas was going to ruin this too. “I don’t need to remind you that the reason we’re having to pretend is to cover your massive fuck up.”

The tinkling ring of the apartment phone gave Haldir the reprieve he needed. He was so badly worried. He couldn’t take questions from Legolas at this moment in time because his head was all over the place – he couldn’t bear to think what that would be like from his parents or even his brothers. Regardless, after hearing their greetings down the phone Haldir buzzed them into the building. He felt so tense, it was akin to a panic attack.

There was a knock on the door, and Haldir turned to enter the hall. As he passed, Legolas made to reach out for his hand, but Haldir recoiled.

“Don’t touch me, or kiss me, please,” Haldir muttered, removing his hand away from Legolas. “I don’t feel comfortable with that anymore. They’ll see right through it.”

He hurried down the hall, opening the door. His mother, Selaliel, pushed through the small gap as he started to open the door, an obscenely large bouquet of colourful flowers in her hand as she strode past him and hurried down the hall to the living room. Selaliel had always been a feisty, loud woman, who was almost overwhelming in the amount of love she bestowed on her kids. Haldir watched as she walked away, her long dark hair that none of her children had inherited, swung mesmerisingly as she walked. As Haldir greeted Rumil and Orophin, he could hear her already starting up a conversation with Legolas. 

Haldir’s father, Mallor, was akin to all of his sons. Tall, broad-shouldered, silver-haired with the dark blue eyes of his children – Orophin the only exception of this for he had the green eyes of his mother – he ambled in behind his family. With a quick appraising eye, he looked over his oldest son.

“Looks like you had a late night. Did you go to the same party as this one?” Mallor sighed, pointing at Rumil who grinned cheekily. “He was struggling this morning too.”

“I didn’t drink,” Haldir told him, closing the door. “I just went to pick Legolas up.”

“Good. Sensible,” Mallor nodded, looking specifically in Rumil’s direction he added: “Can always rely on you to be sensible, Haldir.”

At that Orophin chuckled loudly, heading down the hall with his father to greet Legolas. Haldir went to leave too, worried that Legolas wasn’t keeping up his part of the deal to act normal, when Rumil grabbed a hold of his wrist to stop him.

“How did things go last night?”

As much as Haldir was dying to tell Rumil what had really happened last night, he was also painfully aware that now was not the time. Instead he swallowed his feelings, and his desire to finally have someone else’s opinion, and settled for a quick non-informative overview.

“Ok, yeah,” Haldir told him hurriedly, his mind in the other room with his parents, Orophin and Legolas. “Got him home safe. Thanks for the text.”

“No problem,” Rumil sighed. “I was worried, you know? I’ve never seen him that wasted.”

Without further comment, Haldir simply nodded and headed through to the living room. He was undecided if he wished Rumil had never text him about Legolas at all. If he hadn’t received that message, he would have been blissfully unaware that his boyfriend had cheated, and he wouldn’t have been lumbered with the burden of keeping such a large secret from everyone. He was certain that Rumil did not know about the cheating. For one thing, he would not be speaking sympathetically regarding how much booze and drugs Legolas had used. However this new knowledge at least gave Haldir some perspective on his relationship with Legolas. Perhaps his boyfriend had been doing this for a while, and this was simply the first time Haldir had realised something was so hugely amiss between them.

His mother was chatting to Legolas as he placed her large bouquet of yellow, pink and orange tulips into different vases. His father and brothers were beginning to flick through numerous channels on TV, commenting on different sports teams and pausing for an especially long time on the archery.

“Why the flowers?” Haldir asked curiously, accepting a welcoming hug from his Nana.

“Well, I thought Legolas could take them to Thranduil to cheer him up a little,” Selaliel smiled, softly. 

“He’ll love them,” Legolas’ strained voice replied, his eyes starting to fill with tears. “Thank you.”

The rule about no touching and no hugging was hard to uphold at this point in time. Haldir wanted nothing more than to hug Legolas and take away his worries momentarily, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt sorry for Legolas – of course, things were hard for him, and they had been for months now – but the recurring thought of betrayal kept rearing it’s head like a whale coming up for air and he couldn’t stop it. He was still disgusted by the person Legolas had become last night. Unfortunately, that disgust didn’t disappear because he felt sorry for his boyfriend.

The changes in Legolas had become much worse only a month or two ago, when his father had been moved to the hospice. It was the first time they had visited him, since his diagnosis of terminal cancer, that Thranduil had slept throughout the entire visit. Other times he had been in so much pain that he was barely conscious on morphine, and Legolas had sobbed after every visit for the entire hour journey back to Lorien. His father was in one of the best hospices money could buy – located in a sleepy part of the Mirkwood forest. The setting may have been beautiful, but it didn’t distract from the fact that all of the patients were in a palliative care setting, specifically designed for their end of life.

When Thranduil had announced to Legolas that he had wanted to stop cancer treatment, Haldir did not dare leave Legolas alone for over a week. He was certain that his boyfriend would do something stupid that he could not reverse. They had both cried for days – Legolas hurting for his father’s decision and his choice to give up the fight, and Haldir for the pain and sorrow this all seemed to cause Legolas. 

People constantly referred to Legolas as ‘having a tough time,’ and whilst Haldir even used the expression himself, he had seen the true extent of what this meant. Forcing his boyfriend to eat meals; reminding him to get out of bed and enjoy a hot shower. For a long time they showered together, just so that Haldir could be sure that Legolas was looking after himself properly, but equally because he could supervise potential hazards like razors. It all seemed so stupid, but Legolas was so fragile at points that it was hard to make light of how serious it all had the potential to be. 

Thranduil had been in hospice care for over six months now. Haldir did not expect that he would require care much longer. Most of the time when they visited Thranduil now, he was so exhausted that he could stay awake for no longer than ten minutes. The last time they had gone, he had not recognised Legolas, and Haldir was certain that this had triggered Legolas’s recent endless partying, alcohol and drug abuse. Perhaps, he guessed, the cheating had been a side effect of the other underlying unhealthy coping mechanisms that Legolas had adopted. 

But Legolas was ultimately an adult, and even though Haldir resented his partying, he couldn’t stop him from doing it. He had also tried to get him to take a break from his studies at the University of Lorien, but Legolas had refused. 

“Thanks Nana,” Haldir mumbled, wrapping his arms tightly around his thoughtful mother.

She smiled gently, patting his back. “It was nothing, honestly. Nothing like some lovely tulips to take your mind off things.”

Haldir could not personally see how the tulips would take Thranduil’s mind off his painful ailing body, but he thought the gesture was sweet nonetheless. 

“So, what’s this surprise that we’ve all been dying to hear about?” Orophin piped up, interrupting the moment Haldir took to watch Legolas separate the tulips.

Mallor momentarily gave up on his quest to flick through as many sports channels as Haldir’s TV offered and turned to his children: “Well we thought, seeing as you kids have moved out, and your mother and I have become empty nesters – now would be the perfect time to get a dog for the family.”

“What?!” Orophin groaned jealously. “You deny us a dog for years when we were children, and as soon as we leave you get one? No fair!”

Rumil looked to Selaliel. “Do we get to go and help you choose?”

“Yes – so grab your things and we’ll be on our way!” Selaliel grinned. “Orophin, could you ride with Haldir and Legolas?”

If it were any other circumstances, Haldir would have been overjoyed at the thought of going to the dog shelter with his family to pick out a pet they had been begging for since before Rumil was able to walk. Haldir found himself driving in any icy silence. Legolas said nothing, simply gazed unseeing at the road ahead, and Orophin sat uncomfortably in the back. Attuned to his brother as he was, Haldir could feel the awkward waves rolling off of him. However he didn’t know what he could do to stop it. 

Every attempt at conversation made it painfully aware that Legolas was not speaking with Haldir. He knew that Orophin had rode with them so many times in this car that he would notice that they weren’t holding hands, or that their body language was off. And even though it would have been simple to rectify that, Haldir couldn’t stand the thought of holding hands with Legolas when he knew where those hands had been. 

The Willowbark Animal Sanctuary had many good options for puppies, but at the end of the day they settled on an older golden retriever called Daisy, that had refused to stop following Mallor around. Throughout the whole encounter, Selaliel kept asking whether Haldir was ok – that he didn’t seem as excited as she had thought he would be, and commented on whether Haldir and Legolas had ever thought about adopting a dog of their own. However the thought stung Haldir. He had perhaps wanted all of that in the future, and his mind snapped back to the engagement ring in his work desk, and then all he could think of was Legolas in a darkened room, high and drunk and half-naked without care or thought for Haldir or their future.

Standing by his black car, Haldir and Legolas said a fond farewell to his mother, laughing slightly at his father trying to coerce their newest family member into the boot of their own car. Daisy was highly sceptical about the whole thing. Haldir agreed that he would drop back Rumil to his shared house near to the University of Lorien, and within five minutes into the journey (again, in an icy silence), Legolas had fallen asleep.

“You guys had a big fight, then?” Rumil deduced quietly, trying not to wake Legolas. “When you finally found him?”

Haldir sighed heavily, knowing that of all people, Rumil would have been the first to guess. “Not right now Rumil, please – I don’t want to discuss it.”

Rumil hummed an agreement. “Sure – but I’m just saying I don’t think you convinced Ada or Nana that everything is ok between you two.”

“It’s got nothing to do with either of them,” Haldir shot back, trying his hardest to concentrate on the road. 

“No you’re right,” Rumil smirked, his tone an attempt to lighten the mood, “but you underestimate how nosey Nana is. Once she knows something is up, she’ll be calling your phone and round your house every other day…”

“Please Rumil, just stop. It’s not the right time for jokes.”

The rest of the car ride was awkwardly silent. He dropped off Rumil with a quick goodbye, and drove the rest of the way to their apartment. Legolas still dozed off in the front seat, his face remarkably clear from all concerns. He didn’t seem to be having nightmares over the love of his life cheating on him. As Haldir pulled into their car parking space, he gently placed his hand on Legolas’s shoulder and shook him awake.

The rest of the evening went by without much of a word. Haldir watched a documentary on the TV, whilst Legolas sat reading a book in the nearby armchair. When dinner time rolled around, Haldir simply warmed the food he had made the night before for Legolas and sat in stony silence whilst he ate at the dinner table. His back was to Legolas the entire time. He still found it hard to look at him.

After Haldir had finished eating, he gathered the blankets and pillow from their bedroom and began to set up on the sofa for the night. Hopefully tonight would be slightly better. This time he would remember to close the curtains.

“Don’t sleep on the sofa again tonight,” Legolas sighed, watching as Haldir rearranged his blankets. “I can’t sleep well knowing you’re in here.”

“You were fine to share a bed with someone else last night,” Haldir retorted stubbornly.

“Haldir, please don’t be like this,” Legolas mumbled. “I don’t know what you want me to say to make it better. I’ve said that I’m sorry.”

“I can’t give you any magic words that will stop me feeling like you’ve destroyed everything we’ve ever worked towards,” he shouted suddenly, his voice strained in frustration. “And what is worse is that you told me this morning that you didn’t even think about me once, Legolas. That hurts! All of this really fucking hurts!”

Legolas stood frozen, his expression completely heartbroken. Haldir could see that already tears were forming in his pale blue eyes, but he didn’t know how else to let Legolas know that this was all so raw and _ painful._ His betrayal stung. And even though the dark circles under his boyfriend’s bloodshot eyes were tantamount to his inability to sleep last night too, and his lip trembled at the thought of Haldir hurting, it didn’t change that the pain felt worse for Haldir because he was the one who hadn’t been thought about in the whole ordeal. 

“I know that things have been tough for you – I get that - I’ve been through most of it with you,” Haldir paused to wipe something from his eye, for he wouldn’t admit they were tears. “But I – what has happened to you is not a justification for how you’ve treated me. So I don’t want to be in the same bed as you. I can’t do that right now.” 

“I’m sorry. I had a momentary lapse in judgement, and I -I swear it won’t happen again,” Legolas stuttered, his voice cracking. A few tears slid down his cheeks. “I – I lost control and I hate myself for it. Just – promise me you want to make this work again.”

“I don’t know if I can promise you that.”

In a sudden movement, Legolas walked towards Haldir, attempting to wrap his arms around him. “Please – I don’t want to lose you too,” he sobbed.

Firmly, Haldir removed his arms from around his waist. “I need time, Legolas.”

Without another word, Haldir headed to the bedroom and grabbed his leather jacket, phone and wallet. He walked towards the kitchen to pick up his car keys from the bowl they normally lived in, and left before he felt any further suffocated by his partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading - hope you enjoyed. I would super appreciate some feedback if you have some time to leave it!


	3. Revelations

As Haldir rounded the final stretch to the apartment building, he pulled his phone from the arm band around his bicep to stop the timer. He worked to slow his breathing, his knee a little sore from the last three hundred metres or so, but it had paid off. He could already feel the endorphins flooding around his body, and these morning runs had become a part of his routine in the last week. The weather was beautiful – sunny, clear and the breeze was warm – it felt like the beginning of summer had really arrived, and so it seemed a waste to spend it in the gym. Being around nature certainly cleared his head a little. Life became about focusing on the next stretch of pathway, or the next breath, or the next burst of speed. It didn’t have to revolve around Legolas.

It was Sunday. Legolas wasn’t home. He had taken the car early that morning to see Thranduil. He had invited Haldir along, but he had firmly declined Legolas’ offer. It was one thing to lie to the face of his parents – secure in the knowledge that perhaps in future he would tell them the truth about the troubles between them – but it was a whole other thing to lie in front of Thranduil. Haldir didn’t think he could stand it on his conscience. What if Thranduil passed away? He would pass knowing that Legolas and Haldir were fighting. Perhaps Legolas would tell him what had happened - Haldir doubted it.

As Haldir delved into the zip pocket on his black leggings to pull his key out, he noticed a familiar silver-haired elf standing by the front door. He smiled when Haldir approached.

“Orophin,” Haldir acknowledged, noticing that his brother looked somewhat annoyed. “What are you doing here?”

Orophin’s expression cleared. “Sorry – I didn’t realise you had gone for a run. I wanted to check in with you. Aragorn said you had been off from work all week?”

Haldir sighed, leaning past his brother to buzz them both into the building. “I didn’t feel well so I didn’t go in.”

Orophin didn’t say anything further until they entered Haldir’s apartment. As usual, the place was spotless and sparkling clean. Haldir grabbed a grey hoody from the bedroom and threw it on over his black workout vest. Orophin was already making coffee when he returned.

“No Legolas?”

Haldir shook his head. “He went to visit Thranduil today.”

Orophin frowned slightly, handing Haldir a steaming mug of black coffee. “And you didn’t go with him? You know how upset he gets.”

“He’ll be fine,” Haldir dismissed, taking a seat at the dining table with Orophin.

In fact, Haldir was pretty certain that Legolas wouldn’t be fine. He never was. Yet it comforted him to say it aloud, as though he could easily sweep his concern and guilt away with the wave of a dismissive hand. He felt sympathy for Legolas and his current situation, however it was waging war with the anger and sadness he felt towards him. No matter what Legolas had done, it did not erase the love Haldir felt for him. It simply made it harder to accept the betrayal. A good boyfriend would have supported Legolas through another emotionally draining meeting with Thranduil. However, he reminded himself, a good boyfriend would not have cheated in the first place.

When Haldir finally came back from his labyrinthine thoughts, Orophin was staring at him with a concerned frown. Haldir tried to pass it off as daydreaming. Internally he was keen to share his feelings, but equally he felt ashamed to admit what he had caught Legolas doing. 

“Hal, what’s going on? Something isn’t right,” Orophin said softly. “You haven’t gone into work all week despite never taking a sick day in your life. There’s cigarettes on the dining table and I guarantee they’re not Legolas’, so you’ve started smoking again. Aragorn said you didn’t even bother phoning in after the second day of being sick – they just had to assume you were off –“ Haldir sighed heavily, feeling another wave of guilt. “It’s not like you to leave Legolas to visit Thranduil by himself either. Has something happened? You guys weren’t great last week either.”

Haldir stared intensely into his coffee, unable to look Orophin in the face. “I’m pleased to know it was so obvious.”

“He’s going through a tough time right now. I’m sure you’ll –“

“He cheated on me.”

There was a weighty pause. When Haldir dared to look up from his coffee, Orophin was staring with eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. Haldir felt himself blush from the shame, though it felt somewhat of a relief to finally admit it to somebody. He craved an opinion that wasn’t his own. He needed some objectivity from somebody who wasn’t surrounded by their cheating partner all of the time. Of course Haldir had known that Orophin would notice something was wrong. Haldir still thought of that incredibly awkward car journey to the dog sanctuary, and how stupid he felt that he had thought they could pull off the task of acting normal. 

“So no, I don’t think we’ll just go back to normal after his ‘tough time’ is over,” Haldir finished, reaching for the cigarettes simply for something to do that didn’t involve looking at Orophin.

“Cheated on you?” Orophin repeated, dumbstruck. “With who? What?!”

“I don’t know - I didn’t look at the guy’s face,” Haldir shrugged, exhaling a cloud of smoke. “I was in the room for about ten seconds, and all I could look at was Legolas, and then I left. It was at that party that Rumil went to last week.”

For a while Orophin did not say anything, just continued to stare in a stunned fashion. Haldir thought back to that moment, to the horrible feeling of knowing what he was seeing but unable to believe it. It was true – he hadn’t even thought to look at whoever Legolas was with. His focus had been completely on the fact that Legolas was half-naked and enjoying himself. When he had pulled away from his lover, he was frowning at the doorway as though rudely interrupted – not as though he was shocked or ashamed to have been found. Perhaps that was the alcohol. Perhaps not. Haldir did not know how he could forgive it. How could he? If he were to repair things with Legolas, every time they kissed or attempted to make love, Haldir would be right back there in the doorway of that stranger’s bedroom, heartbroken and unable to believe his eyes.

*-*-*

Rumil was heading across the campus of the University of Lorien, aiming to grab some food from the canteen before it closed. He had a late start to the morning, and enclosed in the library, he had been working for hours on a project for one of his classes. The day outside was too tempting to ignore. The glorious sunshine meant he was prepared to trade a very good grade for simply a good one. As he rushed across, he came to Mallorn Square, the grassy quad area between the historic grey stone buildings of the campus. Sat directly in the middle of the quad was an elf Rumil recognised, and who he was pretty certain had been avoiding him.

“Hey stranger!” Rumil grinned, approaching the dark-haired head of Elladan that was buried intensely in a book. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you since the party.”

Elladan looked up from his work, looking bizarrely dazed and flustered at the sudden appearance of Rumil. “Oh hi Rumil,” came the unenthusiastic and cautious voice, “I’m – um – I’m good, you?”

The fact that Elladan was packing his book away and looked less than pleased to see Rumil sent alarm bells ringing in his head. Rumil tried desperately to think back to the party – the last time things had seemed on good terms with Elladan – but he couldn’t come up with any reason why his friend had taken a sudden dislike to being in his company. The other week Rumil had walked into the library, happy to see that Elladan was trawling through the rows of books. However, as soon as they had made eye contact, Elladan had rushed away and Rumil did not see him again.

“Yeah great,” Rumil answered, taking a seat on the grass beside Elladan. “Is something wrong? Did I do something or…?”

Elladan stopped packing away, looking concernedly at Rumil. “You don’t hate me?”

“No, of course not. Why would I hate you?” Rumil frowned, completely bewildered by this development.

So there was something wrong. Rumil had known it. All of the ‘seen’ messages through social media with no replies, and the sudden disappearance of Elladan at Archery Society meet-ups… surely there had been some crossed wires here. There was no reason for Rumil to hate Elladan at all. At that moment, they were interrupted by Elladan’s twin, Elrohir, who slung his book bag onto the grass with a heavy thump. 

“Hey guys – beautiful day!” Elrohir announced, taking a seat beside them on the grass.

Rumil sighed, turning to Elrohir. “Perhaps you could help explain why Elladan thinks I should hate him?”

A look passed between the two brothers that Rumil recognised from his own experience with his siblings. He’d seen that look many times before: when his brothers were in trouble, or if they’d broken one of the other’s toys, or even that time they’d accidentally scratched his father’s car with their bikes. Automatically, Rumil knew that it wasn’t good news. There was a common denominator between all of those situations, and all of them were bad. He was already suspicious that something was wrong between himself and Elladan, but having it confirmed was particularly upsetting. How he could he make up for something when he didn’t know what he’d done wrong? Or rather, what Elladan had done wrong to make him think that Rumil would hate him? 

Rumil watched impatiently as Elrohir gave Elladan a gentle nod of encouragement. Elladan took a deep breath, whilst Rumil’s nerves were gradually becoming more frayed by the second.

“At the party – um, the house party we threw the other week – it um –“ Elladan started, but he struggled to get his words out. He looked incredibly uncomfortable, his eyes pleading with Elrohir to help him out. The story stopped and started s few times before Elladan gave up.

Elrohir nodded again, taking a deep breath of his own, before turning to Rumil and blurting: “Elladan hooked up with Legolas.”

For a second, Rumil waited for the pair of them to break into laughter and exclaim that they had gotten him good with a joke. Neither cracked a smile. Perhaps he had heard wrong? Surely this had to be a prank. Maybe his ears had gone fuzzy at the wrong moment in time, and he had heard something completely different to what had just been said?

“What?!” Rumil questioned with a slight shake of the head, as if to clear his ears so he could hear better. 

Quite suddenly, the block on Elladan’s previous silence crumbled and his words flooded out like a sinner repenting in church.

“Wait – Rumil – you have to understand that I didn’t know Legolas was in a relationship – or at least, he came onto me, and so I assumed he wasn’t with your brother any longer and –“

“You saw them together at your sister’s wedding! How could you not know?!” Rumil scoffed, as the anger started to boil his blood.

By now, Elladan was beginning to hyperventilate, his words jumbling, his hazel eyes swimming with tears. “No! Really – Rumil, I swear!”

“In fairness their wedding was nearly a year ago now,” Elrohir cut across, his tone low and calming, “and it’s not like we hang around with your brother that often.”

Things paused for a moment whilst Rumil seethed. No wonder Elladan had been avoiding him. He would have done the same. How could he sit there and claim that he had not known that Legolas was in a relationship? Regardless of whether Arwen and Aragorn’s wedding was an age ago, Rumil was certain that he must have mentioned Haldir in conversation and therefore spoken of his relationship with Legolas. Was Elladan bluffing? Was he trying to justify this all by claiming that he had no prior knowledge of Legolas’ relationship, despite the fact that this wasn’t true?

“So what happened?” Rumil asked coldly. “He didn’t mention Haldir once during the whole thing?” 

“No! I swear he didn’t!” Elladan responded, his breathing still erratic. His tears were sliding down his cheeks. “He said he liked me and that he thought I was cute – and I never would have made the first move, especially when I didn’t know but then he gave me the green light and I thought that maybe they’d broken up because I’d seen you two fighting earlier in the night –“

“Hey Elladan, come on,” Elrohir coaxed, placing a gentle arm round his brother in order to comfort him. Rumil felt furious at the gesture. It should have been Haldir being consoled – not Elladan. He was at fault.

“I feel so bad, Rumil. You have to believe me,” Elladan sobbed. Rumil sighed, unsure whether he could believe those lying hazel eyes. “I didn’t know until your brother walked in –“

Rumil felt his heart stop in astonishment. “Haldir walked in on you both?!”

“Rumil, I’m so sorry. If I could take it back, I would.”

Dazed, as though he had just gone a few rounds with a professional boxer, Rumil stood up from their patch of grass on the quad. The sun may have been shining, but he could not feel it’s warming rays. He felt numb with shock. 

“I need to speak to Haldir,” Rumil mumbled. “I need to be there for my brother.”

Elrohir nodded, his arm still firmly clasped around Elladan’s shaking shoulders. “Sure, we understand.”

With every step that Rumil took towards his car, his emotions made their steady return. Somewhere lingering was a vague heartbreak on behalf of his brother. Haldir had always seemed so happy with Legolas – Rumil was certain that they would go the distance. Of course, Legolas was the first boyfriend that Haldir had ever introduced his family to. It was no secret to Rumil that his brother was dating guys, but when he announced it to their parents, it was a sure sign that things were far more serious than Rumil had first imagined. How was Haldir feeling? Rumil hoped he was angry, furious at being betrayed, because he could not bear the thought that his brother had a broken heart. That maybe he was suffering. Despite doing nothing wrong – nothing more than loving his partner.

Fuck Legolas. Fuck Elladan too. How could they do this? If Rumil had not seen with his own eyes how wasted and determined to ruin his life Legolas had been at that party, he would have sworn that Elladan was lying. But how could he be lying anyway? Poor Haldir had witnessed the whole goddamn thing! It was fine for Elladan to cry in the comfort of his brother’s arms, yet it did not repair the damage done to Haldir. Crying did not absolve Elladan of his sins, nor would his bizarre fixation for Rumil’s forgiveness. What about Haldir’s forgiveness? Shouldn’t Elladan have been begging for that instead?

As Rumil got into his car, he gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands. As furious as he was at Elladan, he was perhaps more enraged at Legolas. For if Elladan were telling the truth, and he did not know that Legolas was in a relationship, then it meant that Legolas’ betrayal of Haldir felt much, much worse. Why hadn’t he said that he was with Haldir? If Elladan was right and Legolas made the first move – why did he do so knowing that he was in a relationship? Haldir had never spoken of any major problems between them. Yes, Legolas was going through an emotionally challenging time in his life, however that did not justify his decision to ignore the very existence of Haldir and their long term relationship.

Perhaps Elladan had just been stupid? Or maybe it was all planned? Did he see Legolas – drunk, high, alone, vulnerable – and think that this was his moment to take his shot? 

Rumil started his car, his knuckles white from the grip on the steering wheel. Forget Legolas and Elladan – those fucking, cheating bastards. All he cared about right now was Haldir. If anyone deserved a loving supportive arm around their shoulder, it was him. 

*-*-*

The car pulled to a stop in the gravel car park of The Greenwood Centre. The building was surrounded by the gorgeous, lush forest of Mirkwood - a mix of modern panes of glass contrasting with the rustic oak from the nearby trees. On such a bright, sunny day, the centre shone amongst the greenery. It was serene here – far removed from the bustle of the centre of town. From here the residents were encompassed by nature, and once the engine to Legolas’ car cut out, he could hear the sound of birdsong.

Though the day was humid, Legolas felt cold. He hated this place. To the outside, some would have said that it was beautiful and peaceful. Yet Legolas knew what this place meant. To him, it signified that his father would never return to his childhood home. He would never see their back yard again. He would never drive the streets that Legolas drove through Mirkwood to reach The Greenwood Centre – in fact, his father’s prized car remained in their garage gathering dust. It hurt Legolas’ soul to think that, though this place looked remarkable on a warm summer’s day, the next time his father would leave it would likely be in a body bag headed for a funeral home.

Legolas stayed in the car for some time. It always took him at least ten minutes of staring at the sliding glass doors to the hospice before he could bring himself to move. It took a lot of energy to set aside his overwhelming emotions for the sake of his father. He didn’t like to crumble in front of Thranduil. It wasn’t that his father would have scolded him for doing so, but it was more a restriction of himself. No matter how terrible he may have felt, it had no bearing on everything that Thranduil was feeling and going through. How did it feel to be on the verge of death? Legolas wanted to ask him this morbid curiosity from time to time, however often the answer was obvious when his father would cry out in pain or slip into another round of sleep from exhaustion.

With a shaky breath, Legolas tried to hold in the nerves. This was normally the point at which Haldir would give him a pep talk. Legolas’ eyes fell on the bunch of tulips in an assortment of spring colours that lay on the passenger seat. A heavy weight of guilt rested painfully in his chest. Haldir’s family had always welcomed him with open arms. They had viewed him akin to another son from their very first meeting. He felt so much worse at the prospect for what he had ruined, and he was ashamed at the inevitable fact that Haldir’s parents would hate him once they discovered what hurt Legolas had inflicted upon their child. How could he have been so stupid? 

He pulled the keys from the ignition, readying himself to enter the building to see Thranduil and to hopefully use the flowers to cheer up his father. He would rather they were used for that than a reminder of the terrible way he had mistreated Haldir. The guilt was unrelenting. The subtle prompts of Haldir were everywhere. Legolas was driving his car. The flowers gifted from his mother. Even the lack of Haldir’s presence in the passenger seat only doubled Legolas’ guilt. He looked down at the keys in his hand. A little round leather key ring attached was from The Hobbit Hole Coffeehouse – the place where they had gone on their first date. Legolas recoiled. From the nerves of visiting his father and the guilt of hurting Haldir, he was quite sure that soon he would have a heart attack from the stress.

Over the constant reminders of his guilt, Legolas chose to suffer The Greenwood Centre. He exited the car, grabbing the flowers, and walked purposefully through the sliding glass doors before he had a chance to change his mind. He was greeted as soon as he strode in by a young brunette nurse.

“Good morning Legolas!” She smiled politely. Legolas did not return it. “Follow me!”

Without another sound, Legolas followed her through the clinical halls of the building. Sometimes he needed instruction in this place, although he knew exactly where his father’s room was. It was as though his fear of what he would find in here was overwhelming, and often he would need guidance for where to go and what to do. Already he was dreading the moment he would have to enter the hospice, and for the same, lovely, brunette nurse to inform him that his father had passed away. How would he react? How would he cope if Haldir was not there? 

“Here we are,” she gestured to the door ready of room number 24. “If you need anything, you know what to do.”

Legolas nodded and mumbled a thank you. Taking a deep breath, he entered the room. Thranduil’s room would have been magnificent as a bedroom, had it not been for all of the wires and medical equipment. He had a full wall of glass to the outside forest, and even as Legolas watched a squirrel rushed up the nearest tree. Thranduil’s bed faced the window. 

This morning he was snoozing – propped up higher than he would have usually liked at home. Legolas pulled up one of the light chairs and gently placed it beside his father’s bed. His father always looked worse than he recalled. Every time he visited it was the same. His skin was a pallid grey, and despite his sleeping, there were dark heavy circles under his eyes. He was so thin – his face and hands in particular – he looked weak and delicate. His hair – though as white-blonde as Legolas’ still – had the texture of straw, and had been tied up out of the way whilst he rested. Perhaps this was the most jarring thing about seeing his father. Legolas could not recall a time where Thranduil had ever tied his hair back in his whole life, and even though it was a silly thing to hold onto, he felt that this wasn’t his father at all.

Legolas gently took a hold of his hand, fighting down the burning lump in his throat. “Hey Ada,” he mumbled.

“Hello Leaf,” came a raspy response. Legolas’ heart skipped at his childhood nickname and the fact his father remembered him. Thranduil paused for a second, opening his icy blue eyes and gazing about the room. “No Haldir today?”

“He wasn’t feeling well, so I said I’d come alone,” Legolas replied quickly, hoping that his father wouldn’t notice that something was wrong. “He’s been sick from work all week.”

Thranduil eyed Legolas. He used to do that when Legolas was much younger – an indication that he did not believe a single word of what his son had said. In the hopes he couldn’t be read so easily by his father, Legolas looked away and focussed on the squirrels outside. 

“I hope he feels better soon,” Thranduil finally said, squeezing Legolas’ hand lightly.

If Legolas was not already dying from the guilt of his actions, then he certainly was now. Why could he not face telling the truth to his father? Because he did not want to burden him with his problems? Or perhaps because he felt so ashamed of himself that he dare not inform his father of what a disappointment of a son he was? Quickly, Legolas changed the conversation to anything else – the weather, the flowers he had brought, his studies, books he had recently read… anything that would move the conversation firmly away from Haldir’s absence. Thranduil struggled to respond, and every time Legolas asked him a question, his responses came slower and slower and seemed to take increasing amounts of effort. At points Legolas felt it was as though he couldn’t stop talking, hoping that his animation would form an adequate distraction from Thranduil’s condition. 

After a while, Thranduil fell asleep again. It felt horrible to admit, but Legolas was somewhat relieved. He could not match the current sleeping Thranduil with the memories of his father. Thranduil had always been notoriously stubborn, feisty, and strong – both emotionally and physically. When Legolas had been a small child – he had only just started attending school - his mother had died suddenly. Thranduil showed a resilience that Legolas could not imagine emulating now. He had always been a supportive father, and although Legolas missed his Nana frequently, his Ada had always managed to be both a mother and father to him. He was given every opportunity to follow his dream to become a vet; had been encouraged to pursue his interest of archery; and been fully accepted without any doubt when he had revealed his sexuality to his father. Legolas fought to bite back the tears at the memories. There was nobody in this world he loved more than Thranduil. 

At first, Legolas had been apprehensive to take Haldir home to meet his father. He did not know how Thranduil would react. Haldir was older than Legolas by five years. They had met on a whim in a coffee shop whilst Legolas was working on a project with Rumil. To begin with, Legolas feared that Thranduil would become overly protective of him, and would in turn be rude towards Haldir. In actuality, the opposite had been true. Thranduil could not have liked Haldir more. The next day Thranduil had called to speak to Legolas, and told him in a full five minute spiel all of the reasons that Haldir was a suitable partner.

And now… well, Legolas had fucked that all up. He had ruined everything with Haldir, and subsequently disappointed his father without him even knowing it. After two hours of watching his father sleep, Legolas decided it was perhaps best to leave before his own mind drove him mad with guilt. Gently, he shook his father awake.

“Ada, I’m going to go now. I’ll leave you to sleep,” Legolas said quietly. “I’ll be back on Wednesday, but if you need me here sooner – just ask.”

Thranduil nodded, grasping at Legolas’ hand. “Ok, Leaf. Wish Haldir well for me - bring him along next time.”

Another wave of guilt crashed over Legolas. “I’ll try my best.”

“Legolas, is everything ok?” Thranduil asked, again sending a gentle squeeze of reassurance through their entwined hands.

On autopilot, Legolas nodded with a smile. “Of course.”

“I love you,” Thranduil mumbled, his eyes already drooping back to sleep. “See you soon.”

“I love you, too.”

Somehow Legolas held back the dam of tears until he was in Haldir’s car, even managing a smile and a pleasant goodbye to the brunette nurse on the front desk. As soon as he closed the door and put the keys in the ignition, the dam could hold no longer. The tears came in floods. Was it possible to feel so bad about everything? How could he have lied to his dying father like that? Why did he not tell the truth? Why couldn’t he say that things were all going wrong and they were entirely his fault? First he had cheated on his partner, and now he was lying to his dying father. How could he cope with the guilt? Why was he such a horrible person?

*-*-*

Haldir exhaled a cloud of smoke. The cigarette was hardly calming him down, and Orophin had not said much since he had revealed that Legolas had cheated. All his younger brother had done was make another cup of coffee, and then they had remained at the dining room table opposite each other, waiting for the other to say something. Eventually Orophin broke the silence.

“So, what are you going to do now?”

Haldir shrugged, taking a long sip of coffee and trying to untangle the jumble of thoughts in his head.

“I’m not sure. I would like to work things out, but I don’t know if I can forgive him. And we’ll never get past it if I don’t,” Haldir sighed. “Then there will be people telling me I’m a fool for staying, and I will be forever wondering if he’s going to do it again.”

In his heart, Haldir was desperate for things to go back to the way they were before all of this. Before the problems with Thranduil, and all of the arguments with Legolas after they moved in together, and certainly before he had found him cheating. Yet, that was impossible. It hurt to think that Legolas had wanted to throw away what they had, and all for the sake of a romp in a stranger’s bed. 

His head, however, was telling him it was best to leave. He couldn’t stop thinking of Legolas cheating. He had been gone for a while now to see Thranduil. How could Haldir confirm that Legolas had been seeing his father this whole time? What if he was meeting with another secret lover and didn’t even bother going to see his father at all? How could he ever trust him again? These thoughts were constantly circling, biting chunks out of the already fragile trust he had with Legolas. The longer it continued, the worse it would become, and Haldir was distinctly aware of that.

“You know this isn’t like Legolas – this isn’t normal behaviour for him,” Orophin assured him, a look of certainty upon his face that Haldir struggled to believe.

“Isn’t it? The problem is that I don’t know that anymore,” Haldir took another drag of his cigarette. “When I first met Legolas, I would have said that excessive drinking and partying wasn’t his kind of thing either, and yet here we are.”

“He’s really going through it right now. Think how you would feel if it was Ada in the same situation,” Orophin shot back. “The difference is that Legolas has nobody besides Thranduil.”

“Exactly - which makes it even harder for me to go, because if he doesn’t have me for support, who will he have when Thranduil dies?”

Again, the severity of Legolas’ emotions following his visits to Thranduil couldn’t be ignored. If he did not have Haldir there, would he do something stupid? Certainly, Haldir would struggle to have that on his conscience if anything were to go wrong. However, his wish to be a support for Legolas did not mean that he was entitled to treat Haldir however he wanted without any form of repercussion. Perhaps he could be there as a supportive friend? 

Haldir’s thoughts were interrupted by the apartment phone buzzing. He answered to Rumil, who he buzzed in without thought and unlocked the door to let him in. Quickly, Haldir rushed back to Orophin who remained at the dining table, nursing his coffee. 

“You are the only person who knows,” Haldir told him. “Can we keep it that way for now?”

“Of course,” Orophin nodded, just as Rumil burst into the apartment.

He entered the room with such speed that Haldir was slightly worried he had come in an emergency. It was only when he started looking aimlessly around, that Haldir realised his brother was in a hot-headed rage. 

“Is Legolas here?”

Haldir’s heart began to beat uncomfortably fast. “No, he’s visiting Thranduil today. Why?”

“As if you don’t know – he cheated on you!” Rumil exclaimed, his eyes flickering towards Orophin at the table. “And I’m guessing by the fact you’re unsurprised that you knew about this too?”

“Calm down!” Orophin snapped. “I only just found out!”

Rumil began to pace in the lounge, as Haldir took his seat back at the dining table opposite Orophin. He couldn’t take his eyes off his youngest brother. Ideally, he would have preferred to have told Rumil when he had some semblance of what he was planning to do regarding the whole situation. Rumil was often fiery and hot-headed – he often acted before he thought things through. Although Haldir loved him dearly, he was far more likely to receive a level response from Orophin. For a while the two brothers watched Rumil pace around the apartment.

“So when are you leaving?” Rumil asked Haldir eventually. 

“What?”

“You can’t stay with him, Haldir!” Rumil exclaimed, looking at Haldir as though he’d grown three heads. “That would be crazy - you’d be an idiot! You know what they say: once a cheat, always a cheat.”

“Rumil,” Orophin scolded, frowning. “Stop.”

“I haven’t made a decision yet,” Haldir sighed. “I want to talk with Legolas about it first.”

Orophin nodded, speaking calmly: “That’s a good idea.”

“What are you on about, Orophin? No it isn’t!” Rumil snapped, grabbing a seat at the table himself. His cheeks were flushed with anger. “If you speak with him, he will lie to you - the same way he lied to you by betraying your trust by sleeping with somebody else.”

“Rumil, stop it. You’re making this worse,” Orophin warned, looking to Haldir who was rubbing his forehead. He felt like his brain was about to explode. “I think this is a one-time thing – a mistake. A one off.”

“Really? I doubt it,” Rumil said, his voice laced with venom. “I find it hard to believe that Elladan didn’t know Legolas was still in a relationship, which means Legolas either lied to Elladan about that, or this has been happening knowingly behind your back.”

Haldir’s heart fell into his stomach. “Elladan?”

There was an uncomfortable silence, during which both brothers stared at Rumil. The flush of anger disappeared from his face, replaced by an expression of being completely taken aback.

“Haldir didn’t see who Legolas was with,” Orophin mumbled. 

“It was Elladan,” Rumil said quietly. “I’m sorry – I thought you knew. He said you’d walked in and I… I just assumed…”

If it was possible for the situation to get any worse, then it certainly had done. Haldir had only met Elladan once or twice in his whole life and one of those times was at Aragorn and Arwen’s wedding. He had been invited given that he worked with Aragorn, and dare he say it, but Haldir was pretty certain that they were firm friends even outside of work. Aragorn always spoke highly of his brother in laws – twins. Similar names. Identical faces. He had never said a bad word against either of them.

Haldir thought back to that wedding – to the moment he had decided that he would ask Legolas to marry him. Throughout the whole day, Legolas had been glued to Haldir’s side, as he didn’t really know anyone there beside Haldir and Aragorn. At one point he had excused himself to go to the bathroom and not returned for near to an hour. When Legolas had returned he had said that he felt anxious, needed some fresh air and some time alone. Haldir had supported him – had offered him words of comfort – despite the fact he had searched for Legolas and text him to ask where he was and if he was ok to no response.

Elladan would have been there. 

Haldir had not been keeping an eye on where Elladan was that evening, because at the time he wouldn’t have cared. But now… where had Legolas gone? Had this whole thing started at the wedding? An hour was an unnecessary amount of time to be away from the wedding reception. It wasn’t an unreasonable amount of time to sneak off with somebody and cheat on your partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your comments and responses to this so far. This chapter ended up being completely re-written and twice as long as it was originally, so sorry it took so long to be posted! I hope you enjoyed it. :)


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